I've sort of made peace with the idea of winter weight. I've given myself a pass for the 5 - 10 pounds I put on during the winter knowing it will melt away in spring when I'm willing and able to be more active again. There's only so much outdoor ice skating I can do before I get bored with going around in circles and the cold making my fingers feel like they're going to fall off sort of sucks the joy out of my morning bike commute, so I don't do that nearly as often...
Back when I was heavier -- let's be honest, fat -- I would have thought, "Five to ten pounds? No big deal.". Now, with 7 pounds representing 5% of my normal weight, it does make a noticeable difference, but it's OK. I know it's seasonal and doesn't mean I'll go back to being a fat girl again. I still eat bacon weekly and eat ice cream just about every single day. I enjoy my food. I've just learned a bit about portion control. I also recognize how much better I feel when I eat right and my body craves activity in a way that was unfamiliar to Fat Julie.
I've settled into a size 6 year-round, though this time of year things sometimes fit a bit more snuggly. I take that as my reminder that a little winter weight is OK, but there are limits. I only get one body in this lifetime and I want to take care of it.
So why do I go to the Ann Taylor Loft where they're practically giving things away, buy two pairs of pants* thinking to myself, "These are good now, but will be amazing when I lose the winter weight." then proceed to Potbelly for an inexplicably large, wholly nutritionally unsound lunch of a Wreck, salt & vinegar chips, a dessert bar and a regular Coke?
Do I want to play Santa Claus at K's company's party next year? Forget the negative aesthetics of fat. Let's say I do want to pack on the pounds so my breasts will grow back.** Eating crap like that just plain makes me feel sluggish and gross.
The truth is, my body's thrown its monthly self-destruct switch. There's something about girlie hormones [I did mention my body had turned against me, didn't I?] that makes me crave things that make me feel bad. And it is nearly impossible to behave rationally. So I eat food that makes me feel like a zombie. I feel weepy while watching Obama's inauguration speech. I fantasize about taking a nap under my desk at work.
Sigh. Guess it's time to go find my current best friend, Premsyn and try to act like a normal human being whose body isn't a hormonal wreck...
* Two pairs of pants for $16 dollars total! Including the 10% Chicago tax! A friend bought a couple of dresses for $5 each.This crummy economy is a bargain hunting dream come true, though it's scary to see how bad things really are.
** As I once heard Louis Black say and experienced personally for a while there, having a big rack is the only good thing about being a fat girl.
Comments